Loved but now Forgotten. -Written 7/5/2011

…I wish I had known that.. Things could have been differently between us… 

Don’t get me wrong.

I am happy with what I have now. With who I am and who I have now. 

But… If I had known… I would have accepted it. I would have sucked you in and I would have never let you go. 

I loved you that much, I wanted you that much. But, I couldn’t tell you that. You never knew. I didn’t want to accept that I could fall back into love so easily after being damaged so much. So I never told you. 

And then you said that you had loved me, and I told you I had loved you in return.. But again, it was too late… For both of us. 

I had chosen someone else.. You had chosen someone else. 

But when I see you two together.. Even now.. Nearly a month later… I hurt inside. I have yet to completely move on even though I love someone else. 

It’s stupid I know but I can’t help myself. 

You were the first that I loved after being broken so badly once again. So I can’t drop the thought of you. 

Selfish, right? I know that. 

I love him. 

Yes. 

I truly, truly love him with every ounce of myself that I could ever use to love someone with. 

But I still can’t drop those feelings I had for you before I met him. 

Seeing you with your love hurts but not nearly as much as if my love decided to leave me forever… 

Even though I’m not head over heels in love with you anymore… I can’t help not forgetting the love that I have for you. 

It’s weird isn’t it? That I still feel this way. Even after falling harder for someone else… I still harbor these feeling towards you. 

It makes me mad at myself. I love him more than I ever though I could ever love someone. 

Yet I still have these feelings towards you. It makes me mad.. So, so mad.

I don’t understand how I could even still feel anything towards you after loving him so deeply. 

But when I talk to you.. They pop up again. Taunting me with sweet words and unrequited feelings. 

You have bound to have moved on.. So why can’t I?

I just do not understand it at all.. I want to know why!

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. 

I still love you… BUT! I don’t want to love you anymore!…It hurts.

What does this mean?! I don’t understand!

Take the feeling away. Please. I love him so much more. I don’t want to love anyone else. 

So with this entry… Those feelings are gone. Not to return. Not to be drudged up back out of this page.

I love you.

But with this last sentence…. My love for you, is permanently… Gone.